Dear Mr. President, I have noticed that your poll numbers are plummeting to an all time low. I am here to help. Two words Mr. President. Abe Lincoln. That’s right. You see Ol Honest Abe had to deal with a war that was very unpopular and had the country divided. No, I don’t mean divided as in North and South, I mean the North itself. This was causing Abe quite a bit of grief. Much like your own predicament. Here are a few ideas taken right out of the Abe Lincoln playbook. First, shut down all news media that report things that paint you in a bad light. Lincoln shut down over 300 Northern newspapers and magazines that were writing articles that disagreed with his views. For those that continued to do so
Lincoln had them jailed and their periodicals sat idle as the U.S.Postal service was ordered not to deliver such material. Now I know what you’re thinking, Mr. President." What about the Constitution and the 1st Amendment?" Don’t worry about it. Lincoln didn’t. Next you suspend "habeas corpus" and you send the military police to arrest the Michael Moores and Cindy Sheehans of the country. I know what you’re thinking. "I can’t suspend ‘habeas corpus’, only Congress can." Sure you can, Mr. President. Lincoln did it to over 38,000 Northerners and it worked like a charm. Now I know what you’re thinking. "What about those pesky Democrats?" No problem. Throw them in jail! You see, Lincoln was having a problem with what the Maryland legislature may or may not do, so he sent in the military and locked up the whole bunch. He then put in the people he wanted to run things. Just think, Mr. President, you could go to California or Massachusetts and lock up the whole lot of them. There was also a fellow, much like Ted Kennedy, by the name of Vallandigham. He was a former congressman from Ohio that spoke out against Abe and the war. When he finally made a speech that said the war was "wicked, cruel, and unnecessary", Lincoln had him arrested, tried by a military court, and sentenced to 2 years in a military prison. Kennedy has said a lot worse than that so I bet you could put him in prison for 10-12 years. By the way, after the war a court of law found Abe acted illegally but it was a little late to matter. Now I know what you’re thinking. "I can’t just trash the Constitution." Sure you can Mr. President. It’s not like you are doing something that hasn’t been done before. Besides, the media will all be on your side and no one will speak up because if they do, you throw them in jail. This is good stuff, Mr. President. You follow my guidelines and not only will your poll numbers go through the roof, but you may even be on the new 5 dollar bill. Of course, I think it is safe to assume that the assassination of Lincoln just prior to the end of that war gives him the God-like status that he has today. I strongly recommend that you don’t do this. But you may have to settle on just being on the new penny.
Steven A. Edmondson
Prince George, VA